I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
