we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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