I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
