he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
