So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
