me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
