we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
