I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
she told me i tasted like america
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
