Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
