you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
