This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
