do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize