Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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