Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
