I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
