so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
