so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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