Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize