My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
