So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
