So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
