What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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