Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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