i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I FOUND THE LEGS
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
