It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
zippers are such a cool invention
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
