he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
