i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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