Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I'm like, not good at living.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize