dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
