Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
