There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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