Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
