that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
