Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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