Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
