Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
