I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
