I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's always time for handjobs
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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