I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
