I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
