I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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