never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
