Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
