apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
