I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
