So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize