Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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