Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
