I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
