the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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