I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
