I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize