I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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