My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
