remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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