just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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