i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize