I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize