you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
