Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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