dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
