He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
