you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
He keeps bees of course he's weird
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
