remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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