After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
