i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
