dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
