i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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