u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have already put on my inside pants.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
