just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
