I hate all girls vehemently.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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