Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
