Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
