I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
