You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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