I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
