I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
