This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
