My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
