Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
