So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
