she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Sober January is a disaster.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
