We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
