is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
