im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
