Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
