just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
