babies were throwing up all over the place
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Randomize
