I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
