O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
