They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
