it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize