There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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