I love black thongs
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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