TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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