remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
