Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
