I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Randomize
