I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
