Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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