my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
