Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
