awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
